Santa's Dead

Santa’s Dead and lying on my lawn,
It happened shortly just before dawn,
I should probably tell you the whole story,
(Though bits of it can be kinda gory).

It was Christmas Eve and I was awake,
Watching horror movies and eating cake,
Maybe it was, all in my head,
But I swear that I heard the living dead.

They were coming to eat me that’s for sure,
Then I wouldn’t have Christmas any more,
But lucky for me my dad was a security fanatic,
And kept in the lounge room a semi-automatic.

I picked up the gun and crept outside,
I would give them, a shock, a huge surprise!
I’d shoot them all dead and be admired,
I’d do it even though I was tired.

The monster was coming I could hear it clearly,
I loaded the gun and clung to it dearly,
BLAM, BLAM, I shot it, only ten times,
Then I reloaded and gave it another nine!

The evil was dead, now I could rest,
But what’s this a reindeer what a pest,
So I let him have it too, and the other eight,
Finally I could sleep even though it was late.

But as I stepped over the bodies around,
I heard a most peculiar sound,
“Why’d ya do it kid?” The voice said,
“This is why children should be in bed”.

I peered at the body, what a terrible sight,
Santa was mangled, it gave me a fright.
“I’m sorry mate but did ya bring me my Ted?”
“No” whispered Santa, so I shot him dead.

So I guess that’s what happens when you watch late night TV,
But you can’t really blame, all of it on me,
You see Santa didn’t bring me the Teddy that was my fave,
So he won’t cheat no more children from inside his grave!